Too Drunk To . . .

October 10, 2009

Once upon a time in America there was a band called the Dead Kennedys. “Too Drunk to Fuck” was the first record I ever bought by them. Much more recently, Nouvelle Vague (not from America) did a bossa nova cover. I think technically this is Camille’s a capella cover of the Nouvelle Vague cover. Did I mention that Camille has performed with Nouvelle Vague?

GHP Goes Bananas

July 21, 2009
Go Home Productions - GHP Goes Bananas

Go Home Productions - GHP Goes Bananas

I’ve been a big fan of Mark Vidler and
Go Home Productions for years. I think I think he is my favie mash-up artist. Here is one of his latest efforts. Enjoy it before it’s gone

‘Round Midnight

July 14, 2009


I think I would feel a joyous insanity if I lived in Iceland and saw the sun ’round mdnight

Hero of War

July 11, 2009

One of the advantages of living in Buffalo is that we are in sthe reception area for Toronto’s 102.1 radio station. It is/was the Lovely Lettuce’s favie station. And I think it is pretty good in an psuedo-alternative sort of way.
Any old way, I digress. A few days ago, I heard a song by Rise Against that I loved. Although to be accurate, I loved the song before I knew it was Rise Against.

Embedding is disabled for this video so you will have to go to youtube to watch it.

I think it is a great anti-war song that shows compassion and understanding for the soldiers fighting in the name of our flag. It doesn’t accuse or judge.

He said
“Son…Have you seen the world?
Well, what would you say
If I said that you could.”

Just carry this gun.
You’ll even get paid.”
I said
“That sounds pretty good.

Black leather boots
Spit shined so bright
They cut off my hair
But it looks alright
We marched and we sang
We all became friends
As we learned how to fight

A hero of war
Yeah that’s what I’ll be
And when I come home
They’ll be damn proud of me

I’ll carry this flag
To the grave if I must
Because it’s a flag that I love
And a flag that I trust

I kicked in the door
I yelled my commands
The children they cried
But I got my man
We took him away
A bag over his face
From his family and his friends

They tookoff his clothes
They pissed in his hands
I told them to stop
But then I joined in
We beat him with guns
And batons not just once
But again and again

A hero of war
Yeah that’s what I’ll be
And when I come home
They’ll be damn proud of me

I’ll carry this flag
To the grave if I must
Because it’s a flag that I love
And a flag that I trust

She walked
Through bullets and haze
I asked her to stop
I begged her to stay
But she pressed on
So i lifted my gun
And i fired away

And the shells jumped
Through the smoke
And into the sand
That the blood now had soaked
She collapsed
With a flag in her hand
A flag white as snow

A hero of war
Is that what they see
Just medals and scars
So damn proud of me

And I brought home that flag
Now it gathers dust
But it’s a flag that I love
It’s the only flag I trust

He said
“Son…Have you seen the world?
Well, what would you say
If I said that you could

We’re RGIS and You Will Suck Again

June 29, 2009

Last week, I got an email from the RGIS corporate gods that included this tidbit of information:

On June 27, 2009 the Average Per Hour (APH) Standards will be raised in several of our accounts. More than half of our teams are already operating at levels that meet or exceed the “New” APH Standards, so raising the Standard may have little effect on you.

In other words, if you were a good little RGIS inventory counter, worked your ass off and met your aph goal -TOO FUCKING BAD! Starting June 27, it’s probably not good enough anymore.

Apparently, not enough of us sucked at meeting our aph goals; so instead thanking us for making the company even more profitable by meeting or exceeding productivity goals, we are being set up for failure again. If aph goals are a moving target, it doesn’t really matter how fast we count. We will never be fast enough. We will suck again.

Apparently, the corporate gods have realized that they need to give lip service to accuracy:

As we strive to execute at higher levels, we must never jeopardize accuracy or customerservice in the name of productivity!

“Oh, gosh, store manager, I can’t image why our inventory counters didn’t give you a good count. We told them never to jeopardize accuracy.”

I tell myself that I am lucky to still have a job. But some days, I’m not sure I really believe that.

Born Yesterday

June 28, 2009

I was washing dishes this evening after channel-surfing to find something suitable to wash dishes by. I blundlered into Born Yesterday with Judy Holliday. Years ago, I had a girlfriend that looked nothing like Judy Holliday but smiled like her according to one of my friends who was a film buff.

Like many actors who effectively play “dumb”, Judy Holliday was very intelligent. She had a genius level I.Q.

New Yorker Cover Created on An iPhone

June 14, 2009
This New Yorker cover was created on an iPhone using the Brushes app

This New Yorker cover was created on an iPhone using the Brushes app

I’m not a big fan of the iPhone, but I have to say that this impressed me. You can find all the gory details here There is a video of the creation of the cover as well.

This just goes to show that a talented artist like Jorge Columbo doesn’t need a system that costs thouands of dollars to create digital art. An iPhone with the right app will serve just fine.

Motor City Withdrawal

May 23, 2009

Well, we got back to Buffalo Tuesday night. The Lovely Lettuce and I really enjoyed our 6 day ‘oliday in the Motor City. Although, if one wants to be technical, our ‘oliday was Southfield, MI since that is where we slept. Perhaps our ‘oliday will inspire me to post about something other than the joys of working for RGIS. Just for the record, I must tell you that I resisted the urge to drive to the RGIS World Headquarters and fart in their general direction.

We loved the Henry Ford (Museum and Greenfield Village), the Detroit Insitute of Arts and Detroit and Toledo Zoos. We visited lots of neighborhoods from my past and found that some of them were for all practical purposes gone.

Dining in the Motor City and Environs was a culinary adventure. The Lovely Lettuce had what she called the “best veggie burger I ever had” at a restaurant called Sweet Loriannes. We both loved the veggie meatloaf there as well. We found out that beets and feta cheese are a tasty combination at a restaurant in Greektown called the Golden Fleece.

There was a lot of stuff to blog about. Hopefully, I’ll get around to it.

We’re RGIS and You Suck

May 8, 2009

Our district has finally gotten around to distributing the March  2009 Team Member Handbook.  In order to continue my employment with RGIS, I have to sign the “RGIS Team Member Handbook:  Acknowledgement of Receipt” form. The Cliff Note Version: RGIS can do whatever they want and I can’t do a damn thing about it.

Fear and Loathing = Productivity

The form starts out reminding me that I can be fired at any time for any reason or no reason.    New York is an “at will” state so this isn’t really a surprise.  But most employers don’t remind employees that they can be terminated at any time when they distribute a new employee manual.   Since productivity is job one,  someone at RGIS must think that fear & loathing will increase productivity.

Policies and Procedures

Legally even in at will states, one could sue for wrongful termination if one could prove that the employer did not follow their own employment policies and procedures.   Well, RGIS has plugged that loophole.

I understand that RGIS may change, modify, suspend, interpret or cancel, in whole or part, any of the published or unpublished personnel policies or practices, with or without notice, at its sole discretion.

Basically, RGIS has just informed me that I can’t rely on anything I read in the Team Member Handbook. Policies and procedures don’t really mean very much if they can be changed at any time without notice. The power is entirely in the hands of RGIS. And they want you to know it. Perhaps I should admire their honesty. Most employers pretend to be benign even if they aren’t. On the other hand, RGIS says “hi, we just want to make sure that you know that we can screw you over at any time we feel like it and there is nothing you can do about it.”

Apologies to Tesco Vee and the Meatmen for the title of this post

The Top Gun Myth

May 4, 2009

Top Gun:  Top Guns are our fastest and most experienced counters and are placed in areas such as checkout or areas that require advanced counting speed and accuracy.  Top Guns are everything that RGIS stands for and are the “cream of the crop”.  A Top Gun’s professionalism and skills represent the best we have to offer.
ASET (Auditor, Specialist, Expert, Top Gun) skill level definition

That’s what they want everyone – both clients and employees – to believe. Conflict of interest notice: I used to be a Top Gun under the old standards. So you may want to take what I say with a grain of salt. On the other hand, inventory supervisors are told to “protect the five”. This means that the five best counters in an inventory are to be given areas to count that will help them maintain their average per hour (aph) status.

This isn’t a rant against the remaining 3 Tops Guns in our district. They are certain among the fastest counters in our district and deserve to be Top Guns. But even they have trouble attaining Top Gun aph’s in some inventories. And that brings us full circle to “protect the five.” Some stuff is just plain easier to count. Other stuff is hard to count and no one can sustain a Top Gun aph counting it. In a big box store inventory we did last week, one of our Top Guns was counting around 450 pieces per hour instead of the 1040 pieces per hour required of him as a Top Gun. Was he slacking? No, the problem was lack of preparation by the store. When 20% of the merchandise doesn’t have tags or bar-codes that scan, productivity suffers. When the racks are so full that you have to remove merchandise from the rack to be able to count it, productivity suffers.

This is why “protect the five” is needed. If Top Guns weren’t protected, eventually they would no longer be Top Guns under the new productivity standards.

So the end result is a two class system – Top Guns and everyone else. Since the Top Guns get to count the high aph areas in every store, it is very hard (and frequently impossible) for anyone else to achieve Top Gun level aph’s counting the merchandise they are assigned to inventory. Some people get around this by doing a bit of cherry-picking themselves and risking the wrath of the inventory supervisor. There is no team in RGIS anymore, it’s every man for himself. You have to protect yourself when you are prevented from achieving a higher aph by company policy.